I am pretty sure that when mankind was created
millions of years ago, whoever orchestrated the creation, “The Artist” if you
will, did not allocate an equal amount of time for each human. Say, for
example, that the process of creating Beyoncé totalled 24 hours of intense and
unrelenting tanning, tuning and toning, then I would imagine that creating Donald
Trump took approximately 3 minutes and required about the same amount of effort
that I put into taking my make-up off when I crawl into bed at 4am after, what
was supposed to be, “a couple of drinks” i.e. zero effort.
Obviously, the Beyoncé end of the spectrum is
populated by the Leonardo DiCaprio’s and Ryan Gosling’s of the world, but there
is also another, more unlikely member of their elite group; the humble
grandmother. The time that The Artist must have spent creating each and every
grandma is far greater than Queen B, I can guarantee. Think of the thousands of
baking recipes that needed to be installed into every grandma’s mind. And what
about the undying love for knitwear or the infinite knowledge of small birds? And
we still haven’t got to the wisdom, thoughtfulness and love that grandmas have
in abundance.
Two of my most valuable life lessons have come
from my grandma. The first of these lessons I learnt as soon as she uttered the
words, handing me a sugary cup of tea and two Nurofen Plus to help me stave off
my imminent hangover, “Playful nights
makes for sorrowful days” – I have become incredibly well-acquainted with this lesson over the last few
years, unfortunately however after 4 G&Ts it doesn’t seem so prominent.
The second life lesson is one that I have
heard hundreds of times in between the ages of 4 and 20, “Your school days are the best days of your life”. Until now, I have
never received this saying well. I could never understand how anyone could
think “the best days of my life” would be spent writing essays about globalisation
and not on a Hawaiian beach - u ok hun? But now that I have a full-time job,
and a houseful of responsibilities, I am constantly looking back with a heavy
heart and a longing to spend 72 hours straight in my pyjamas on a diet
exclusively made up of Super Noodles and frozen garlic bread.
Quelle Surprise! The gods of The Highstreet
have answered my prayers once again. ‘Pyjama-style’ clothing is everywhere and
I have found my three favourites to share with you. In university terms that is
216 hours-straight worth of wear!
Left
Centre
Right